I have been inspired by fellow PPD sufferers/survivors to write a letter to myself. This letter is my “rainy day” letter. Whenever I am having a bad day, in need of a pick up, or just some words of encouragement, I have this letter from myself, to myself. I am good enough, and I am worth it. If you would love to read other letters like mine, visit this website: PPD to Joy. It is an amazing site!
Hey you! I heard you’ve been feeling better, and that is awesome! You are such a bright, and cheerful person, I hated seeing you so down and out for so long. You deserve happiness, did you know that? You deserve good things that happen to you, or for you. You are such a caring, compassionate, loving, selfless person. Your heart is so big, it sometimes feels too heavy, I am sure, but do not let that discourage you. Do not ever lose that heart, or forget it’s there. That is who you are.
Those days that you feel confused as to how you’re supposed to be feeling, just remember this: it’s normal to get upset, angry, or irritated. You are a mommy, it’s completely natural to lose your cool. Being able to cool down, and not let it control you, that is the difference between you NOW, and you THEN. So, do not be afraid of those feelings. They are healthy, and completely natural. Just remember that being in control is most important.
Kiddo is an amazing kid. She has so much heart, just like you. You have done well with her, even if you can’t see it yet. You have given her the most important thing a mommy could give her: love. She knows you love her, and she loves you just as much. Those days that you cried and cried, and she wiped your tears, they only brought you closer. She is not permanently damaged, no more than any other child. Haha! She will be fine, she will do her best and be great at whatever she does. Do you know why? Because she knows she has a mommy who loves and cares for her so much, that you will be there for her no matter what.
You are in school again? That’s fantastic! You have always been so smart, and open-minded. I am positive you will be great in school, and even greater when you graduate. It’s normal to feel frustrated at school work, but you are strong enough to push through it. Stumbles happen, and you wont be perfect, but nobody ever is. Just remember to take time out for yourself.
That husband of yours is pretty great. He has supported you throughout the darkness, even when you didn’t think he was. It’s hard to see everything when you’re wading through the darkness with a blindfold on. Just remember this: let him help! You do not have to do everything yourself. Give yourself a break! He wants to help, and has shown that over and over, so let him. Not only will it give you a break, but it will give him a chance to do something for you. Take it. Embrace it. Love it.
Your confidence isn’t as good as it used to be, and that’s a shame, but you can get it back. You are smart, beautiful, and an amazing human being. Those stretch marks, and extra pounds you have? Tons of other mothers have them too! Those days when you wish bedtime would hurry up and get here? Tons of other mothers have them too! I saw the glimmer in your eye the other day when you looked in the mirror, and looked at your flaws. I saw that you were starting to recognize that they may be flaws, but they also make you who you are, and there are a lot of people who love you just like that. You should too.
Whatever guilt you may have, let it go. Just let it go. You cannot change the past, so why hold on to feelings from the past? This is the time for healing, and for growing. You suffered, and sometimes you still do, but you are strong enough to move on. Do not ever forget the past, but do not let it control you either. That person that you were during your PPD, that was not you. You are not that angry, mean, sad person. Those thoughts you had, they were just that, thoughts. They were not even your real thoughts, so do not feel guilty or ashamed for them. It happened, it’s now time to let it go.
You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are a wonderful mommy, and a wonderful human being. PLEASE do not ever forget who you are.