Silly Excitement

Excitement is often fleeting in my world.  My mind runs on overtime, I contemplate something into the ground, and then I wonder why I even got excited about it in the first place.  It’s a never-ending, vicious cycle that probably has nothing to do with my depression, but more to do with my personality.  It makes for inspiration for post entries though.

I have been receiving quite a few compliments on my blog.  Not just about the content, but also on my writing ability.  It keeps me motivated to continue writing on a topic that has proven to be difficult to write on.  I used to write a lot, and have always loved it, but never really thought I was very good.  I enjoy writing about topics that I hold dear to my heart, and sometimes I enjoy making up stories.  I used to be pretty good at that, at least in High School.  Wow, that was 13 years ago!

Last night, I had asked my mom if she had read my blog.  I haven’t talked to her much lately, so I was unsure.  She told me she had read a couple of entries, and that my writing was very good.  She even asked if I had considered studying and majoring in something like English or Journalism.  She said I had a knack for non-fiction writing, which made me smile.  I never thought it was terribly hard to write non-fiction, but I apparently convey emotion and thought, or something like that.  My mom’s words kind of put a nudge in my head.  The nudge was telling me I should consider it.  I had thought about it before a few years ago, but just kind of brushed it off as silly.  Now, that silly nudge wont go away.

I tend to over think things to the point that I get frustrated, and then make a poor attempt at casting is aside.  Right now I am registered for courses in a Geography program at Park University.  I love geography, but have absolutely no idea what I would do with it, career wise.  Now that I have this little nudge stuck in my head, I am rethinking that degree, and considering a degree in Communications, Journalism or English.  However, with my over thinking problem, I am now reconsidering that, and reconsidering Geography as well.  I am feeling frustrated, anxious, and excited all at once, but for what?  Would I even be good at writing for a paper, magazine, non-profit, etc?

Why do I over think?  Why do I block myself from doing something I enjoy by letting these overwhelming feelings get the better of me?  I love writing, especially on matters that are important to me, but am I good enough?  What if it doesn’t pan out, what if I waste my time?  See, there is the over thinking again.

I think the point of this entry is to address my personality flaw, and to get my thoughts out of my head and in front of my face.  I have been told to just let go, and go with my heart.  The problem with that is my heart is just as confused as my head, or maybe it’s just my head making me think that.  Silly head.  Silly excitement.


7 thoughts on “Silly Excitement

  1. This is not a personality flaw! Your mind is open to possibilities, which is a positive thing!

    Re. Journalism, I can only speak for the UK, but I suspect it’s probably the same where you are: it’s a very, very competitive field. But that’s not to say you shouldn’t try, if that is what you would really like to do.

    But you say you love geography – and nothing beats doing something you love! And that wouldn’t preclude you from later going into journalism; you can carry on with your writing in the meantime. Doing one thing doesn’t mean that something else can’t also be done. In this country, it can be an advantage to have specialist knowledge when entering journalism, rather than a generic ‘journalism’ or ‘communications’ qualification.

    When I’m undecided, I think of something that the actor Michael J. Fox said in his autobiography: when he’s unsure about what to do next, he does nothing, and makes no decision for a while. In most cases, the way forward becomes clear (something to do with the unconscious brain working on the problem, I think).

    It doesn’t always work, but it seems to a lot of the time!

    Keep us posted!

    • I was going to say doing nothing and waiting to make a decision hasn’t worked for me. However, I have decided that many things over the years were not along the right path for me, so I stopped. I have dropped many a career idea after I couldn’t decide, and then later realized it was wrong. I tend to jump and do whatever is exciting me in the moment, but then later drop and go for the next. It’s kind of frustrating. I feel like at 31, I should know what I want to do. I know I want to help people, but how I want to do that is unclear. I was very moved yesterday listening to a song, and thought maybe helping people through communication would be a great way to not only help people, but bring awareness. I suppose I am already doing that, but I feel like I should be doing more.

  2. I over think things too sometimes, especially socially. I go to say something, but then out of fear of being ignored or laughed at I shut up before it’s even out.

    But then I heard a Japanese saying,

    “Asking is a moment’s embarrassment,
    Not asking is a life time’s embarrassment.”

    or something to that effect, and it made me think, “Maybe I’d just be out with what ever I want to say and not regret it later!”

    I’ve been trying it out. So far good results. 🙂

  3. I have had the same doubt for a long time now. I used to be a part-time journalist too. But I never opted for it as a full time career. My priorities are a good pay and a journalist does not get it without major struggle in his/her career (with out without the degree). But I will one day get a book published. And I might need a lot of money to get it published. Like you, I also have a non-fiction sense of writing. So that makes it even more difficult than writing a regular novel. But I will.
    You should try prioritizing too. What do you want more? Stable pay or creative job? To be in a ‘writer’s’ job or to write a book one day? I vote for the head over the heart. Hope you find your answer soon.
    PS- Mom’s don’t lie do they? You are pretty good 🙂

    • Sometimes mom lie. It’s for the kids own good. 😛
      The only think I know I want out of a career is to help people. Unfortunately, I have absolutely no idea how I want to go about doing that, or how I would be at my best. Sigh. I guess I have MORE thinking to do. I am 31 years old, shouldn’t I know these things by now?

  4. I’m afraid I wasn’t very encouraging in the forums when you asked your question about the English degree. I went with the brain over heart response and now I’m kind of regretting that. It was a kneejerk reaction from someone who struggles with the same questions, but who’s too scared to take the risk. I wish I had pursued the English degree, regardless if it was a profitable choice or not. You know what your goals are. If you love writing and your primary concern isn’t a fat paycheck, go for the English degree. Anyway, who says it WON’T be worth something?
    BTW, at 33 (mother of 5), I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. You are not alone. 🙂

    • Haha, it’s alright. Writing is not my passion, it’s just something I enjoy doing. I know that now. Sometimes I get overly anxious about something I am doing, or about to do, and start finding excuses or new ideas to replace it. I do appreciate the advice though.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s