Excitement is often fleeting in my world. My mind runs on overtime, I contemplate something into the ground, and then I wonder why I even got excited about it in the first place. It’s a never-ending, vicious cycle that probably has nothing to do with my depression, but more to do with my personality. It makes for inspiration for post entries though.
I have been receiving quite a few compliments on my blog. Not just about the content, but also on my writing ability. It keeps me motivated to continue writing on a topic that has proven to be difficult to write on. I used to write a lot, and have always loved it, but never really thought I was very good. I enjoy writing about topics that I hold dear to my heart, and sometimes I enjoy making up stories. I used to be pretty good at that, at least in High School. Wow, that was 13 years ago!
Last night, I had asked my mom if she had read my blog. I haven’t talked to her much lately, so I was unsure. She told me she had read a couple of entries, and that my writing was very good. She even asked if I had considered studying and majoring in something like English or Journalism. She said I had a knack for non-fiction writing, which made me smile. I never thought it was terribly hard to write non-fiction, but I apparently convey emotion and thought, or something like that. My mom’s words kind of put a nudge in my head. The nudge was telling me I should consider it. I had thought about it before a few years ago, but just kind of brushed it off as silly. Now, that silly nudge wont go away.
I tend to over think things to the point that I get frustrated, and then make a poor attempt at casting is aside. Right now I am registered for courses in a Geography program at Park University. I love geography, but have absolutely no idea what I would do with it, career wise. Now that I have this little nudge stuck in my head, I am rethinking that degree, and considering a degree in Communications, Journalism or English. However, with my over thinking problem, I am now reconsidering that, and reconsidering Geography as well. I am feeling frustrated, anxious, and excited all at once, but for what? Would I even be good at writing for a paper, magazine, non-profit, etc?
Why do I over think? Why do I block myself from doing something I enjoy by letting these overwhelming feelings get the better of me? I love writing, especially on matters that are important to me, but am I good enough? What if it doesn’t pan out, what if I waste my time? See, there is the over thinking again.
I think the point of this entry is to address my personality flaw, and to get my thoughts out of my head and in front of my face. I have been told to just let go, and go with my heart. The problem with that is my heart is just as confused as my head, or maybe it’s just my head making me think that. Silly head. Silly excitement.