Unfortunately, I am not like Flat Stanley in the sense that I do not get to travel the world, and see great sights. Instead, I feel two-dimensional. Since being on the Prozac, my roller coaster of emotions is gone, and a flatness has taken its place. That’s not to say that I haven’t felt some happiness. I laughed really hard, and had a good time with kiddo yesterday before preschool. It lasted for about 30 minutes, and went back to being Flat Nicole.
I am starting to feel a bit uneasy about the flatness. It doesn’t feel normal, but what do I know about normal? I am told it takes a few weeks for the Prozac to take full effect and work into my system, so maybe the flatness will go away. Or maybe the dosage is too high. I am not sure, but thankfully I have an appointment with the doctor on Thursday. I can bring it all up then and get some answers.
I had a great chat last night with the ladies of #PPDChat, and I felt so good after. I felt refreshed and at ease with how I have been feeling. It felt good to talk to people who have been there, and felt that. This morning is a different ball game. I am exhausted, which is nothing new as of late, but I am so tired of it. Even when doing simple things, I find myself drained and exhausted, as if I had been working outside in the heat all day. Going for a walk feels like running a marathon, reading for my class was almost impossible, and I just want to sleep. This can’t be normal, or the normal I am supposed to feel.
I do not know if it’s the depression making me feel this way, or the medications, but something has to give. I do not know how much longer I can keep feeling this way. It’s stressful after a while, not knowing when I can have my energy back, or when I wont feel so flat. Hopefully Thursday I can get some answers, though I am sure I will be told to wait and see. Sigh, and yawn.
**I’m sorry if this is more of a vent, or seems scatter brained. My mind has been out there lately. My friend asked me a question yesterday, and had to ask three times before I understand what she was saying. I heard every word, but my brain just didn’t know what was going on. Bare with me as I figure out what’s going on.**