A Lot of Reflection

“O, happy the soul that saw its own faults.” ~Mevlana Rumi

This past week gave me a lot to reflect on.  Not only was it Suicide Prevention Week, but this weekend was also World Suicide Prevention Day, and the tenth anniversary of the September 11 attacks.  There were a lot of stories going around about people’s own personal experiences with suicide, whether about themselves or a loved one.  There were also a lot of stories about personal experiences on September 11, 2001.  All of this made me think about my own experiences, and caused me to do some writing, and reflecting.

Writing about my own personal experience with suicide was not a hard one, and I wrote it out back in July.  It felt good to get it out in the open, to own it.  It also felt good to talk about it this week, in hopes that it could help someone else feel not so alone.  Just knowing that maybe one person could read it, and possibly feel a bit better, was enough for me.  Even having a friend share her own experience with suicide of a friend was amazing.  It can help so much to tell your story.  You never know who is reading or listening, and how important it could be for them to know someone else has felt that way.

I have come a long way since I felt suicidal.  I no longer fear feeling that way again.  It was a terribly hard time in my life, and in a way I wish I had not gone through it, but I did.  I am owning it.  I am telling it to whoever wants to listen.  I have no intention of ever going back there again, but if I do, I know what to do now.  Reach out.

I will probably deal with depression for the rest of my life.  Anxiety as well.  Add PMDD to that list.  However, I now know I have support.  I have love.  I have friends, and an amazing husband.  I am not alone.  I can face depression head on, and know I will come out on top, even if it takes some time.  I can hold someone’s hand for support, even if it’s through the internet, and not feel weak.  I can share my thoughts and feelings at any given moment, and know someone else has been there, and understands.  That itself is so powerful.

I can go on with my life the best way I can, and be successful.  I can be a good mommy, even with depression.  I can be a good wife, even if he makes me anxious sometimes.  I can save the world one person at a time, just by sharing.  OK, probably not saving the world, but I can try to help that one person.  Just by being me, and letting the world know all about it.  Even on those days that I find myself in pain, and in sadness, I can get through it, and I will.  Even if all I have to give is love, it is enough.  I am enough.

This is our very last week to make an impact for Be Enough Me 4 Cancer. Last week we had 45 people link up an enough-themed post in our Be Enough Me for Cancer campaign and I’d love it if you’d help us boost that number again. For every 20 linked up posts, Bellflower Books will provide a memory book to a woman fighting breast cancer through Crickett’s Answer for Cancer, and help bring a smile to courageous women giving it their all, every single day. The link-up remains open for three days. No blog? No worries. You can also comment on the post or on the Just.Be.Enough. Facebook page with your own story and be counted.

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4 thoughts on “A Lot of Reflection

  1. That is so wonderful that you are able to share your own stories and inspired others, to get the message out that we are not alone. I had undiagnosed PPD after my son was born and I didn’t even it has a name until well my marriage crumbled. Before I was diagnosed I too was suicidal. So thank you for reaching out!

    • I went undiagnosed for years too. I finally went, and the doctor told me I was just being bitchy. I didn’t get help again until last year, when it was diagnosed. So sad, that 3.5 years after kiddo was born was when I was told what was wrong. I just hope other women do not suffer that way.

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