I went and visited a blog today called Life With Baby Donut. While reading the latest entry about Life’s Lessons, I started to think about everything I have focused on this week, and I realized I learned something about myself.
I know what I want to do with my life. I want to have another baby, like yesterday. I realized this week that I have been letting my fear get in my way. I have been letting a fear of postpartum depression keep me from what I want. I have also realized I am not afraid of it anymore.
Life was hard after kiddo was born, and I have been afraid of falling into that darkness again. I have been coming up with excuses for not wanting another child, such as kiddo’s age. The real fear was not having a baby while kiddo started Kindergarten. The real fear was slipping into the darkness again. The real fear was having to get off my medication, my lifeline, while I was pregnant.
I’m not afraid anymore. I know what to expect now. I know what to watch out for, how I will feel. I have a HUGE support group, including family, best friends, and friends throughout the internet. My husband knows how to help me now. My best friends know when I need a shoulder. My internet friends know when to send me ((hugs)). A support system I never had before, or never realized I had, is there for me now. I am not afraid to tap into it.
Will it be easy? No, motherhood never is. Will it be worth it? Most definitely! We will grow our family like we have been wanting. Kiddo will be able to have a brother or sister to grow a special bond with. It will be amazing.
Don’t get me wrong, I am nervous. I am nervous about the early months, with the late night feedings, crying, typical baby stuff. I am nervous about having another diva of a daughter (haha!). I am nervous about gaining more weight. I am nervous about having a baby with a deployed husband. However, people do it all the time, every day even. I can too.
I am excited. We want a boy, but will love a girl just as much. I am ready for the fight on naming a boy Dylan (my pick!). I am ready for the slobber kisses. I am ready to watch kiddo interact with her new sibling. I am ready for the fun in trying to conceive (This blog is about honesty, right?).
Family, and all friends: Be prepared. I will need you. I am not afraid to ask for help this time. I am not afraid to ask for a hand to hold.
I AM NOT AFRAID!