Today is a new day, and a new start. I have made a promise to myself to lose weight. I would love to lose at least 15 pounds before I get pregnant again, but since we are trying already, I do not know if that will happen. I am going to try my hardest though.
I have decided to weigh-in every Monday on my blog. This is to put it out there in the public, so I am being held accountable. I am also going to take a picture of myself every week, or every other week, to show progress. I am tired of being unhealthy.
I signed up for Weight Watchers again. I used this program back in 2004, after my breast reduction surgery, and lost 35 pounds. I was so happy with myself, and felt fantastic. I want that back, and my goal is to lose about 30 pounds again.
Since it is Monday, I shall do my weekly weigh-in:
October 24, 2011: 179 pounds
Goal weight: 150 pounds
Anything after that goal weight is icing, but I was 150 when I got pregnant with kiddo, and I was happy with that. I felt good, I felt beautiful. I want that back.
Since this blog is about being raw and honest about myself, and my experiences, I am going to show you a couple of pictures I took this morning. They aren’t great, since my camera’s battery was dead, so these are bathroom photos. I know how much people love those. I wanted to show the area I want to change the most. I’m feeling pretty vulnerable and anxious about posting these, but I want to be honest with myself, and with my readers.
There it is. My absolute least favorite part of my body. I am almost positive a lot of women feel that way about theirs.
I think that picture is gross, but now it’s out there, and now I have to change it. I do not feel healthy, nor do I feel beautiful or sexy. I have never been a super-model, and most women in this country are far from it too. This is what many women look like. Thankfully, my husband thinks I am beautiful and sexy. He also makes me feel beautiful and sexy. However, I want to feel that way about myself, without having to rely on my husband to make me feel that way.
Postpartum depression not only wreaked havoc on my head, but also on my body. I am an emotional eater, and have always been. The anger, sadness, and darkness kept me in a never-ending cycle of eating, and then feeling guilty about it. I was so out of my own head, and not myself, I didn’t recognize it until I was almost 200 pounds. I was able to lose weight during a happy period that lasted about a month, but the darkness came back and I wasn’t able to lose anymore. I am feeling better mentally, so now it’s time to feel better physically.
I am no longer living to eat. I am eating to live.
So there you go. That is me, raw and vulnerable. I shall go wallow in my anxiety by drinking water, and eating an apple. I already worked out this morning. 🙂