Shake It Out

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It’s always darkest before the dawn

I have regrets in my life.  I think everybody does.  One of my regrets is not seeking treatment for my postpartum depression sooner.  It really shouldn’t be a regret, though, because I did not know.  I did not know what I was feeling and dealing with was not normal.  I thought, at first, it was just a severe case of the baby blues, and that they would pass.  I know better now, and just wish I had known then.  I guess that’s where the regret comes in.  I regret not finding out more.  I just wasn’t in a good place, and did not think about it.

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around

And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it’s always darkest before the dawn

It’s time to let that regret go.  I have been carrying that regret around, that guilt and shame.  I still do, especially now that I am feeling more like myself.  I can see clearly everything that went on, all the anger I unleashed on my family, all the sadness I tried so desperately to keep bottled inside.  It’s time to let it go, and bury it in the ground.

It wasn’t me.  Those dark thoughts weren’t my own.  That angry woman was not the real me.  That deeply sad and disturbed woman who sat on the floor crying, and then screaming in anger was not me.  It was a demon in my brain.  It tried tearing me down, and killing me.  It came pretty close to doing just that.  It took me down to my lowest point, and left me a weak, crumbled, shredded mess, but you know what?

I’m still here.  My family is still here.  My life is still here.

I still struggle from time to time.  I still has times of depression, but because I’m still standing, I know I can beat it again.  I know it’s not my own thoughts screaming at me in my head.  So it’s time to shake it out.

I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

It is time to shake off that demon, and time to work on me.  I can’t be me with that damn thing around, so it’s time to shake it out.  It’s time to do something for myself, whether it be crafts, reading, shopping, or sleeping.  It’s time to remind myself how awesome I truly am, and show my daughter that awesomeness.  She deserves a happy mommy, and deserves to see how amazing her mom can be.

Everyone who has ever suffered from depression and/or PPD deserve to do the same.  You have been through so much.  You deserve to be happy, and feel amazing again.  Take time for yourself.  It wont make the darkness go away completely, but it will help you get through it a little easier.

Let go of any regret, shame, or guilt you may have.  You don’t need it.  Everything you experienced, everything you felt, and everything that screamed in your mind…it wasn’t you.  It was that demon, that damn demon.  It’s time to shake him off, so you can start healing.  Shake that demon of regret and guilt off, and take care of you.

You deserve it.  You are awesome.

And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t
So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope
It’s a shot in the dark and right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, for the devil in me
Looking for heaven, for the devil in me
Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

Florence And The Machine – Shake It Out 

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Shake It Out

  1. Pingback: Baring Your Soul: Just Write «

  2. How’d I miss this post?! I’m glad @jenrenpody pointed it out to me today, after I tweeted this song at you #ppdchat ladies! It’s perfect for us, isn’t it? Thanks for writing this. It’s a fantastic post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s