While I was reading over at Jenn’s blog yesterday, I realized something major. Here is my confession:
I have not taken my pills on a consistent daily basis for over a month. On top of that, I have not taken them at all in over a week.
It’s no wonder I have been feeling less than stellar lately. The beginning of this term came, and I had no desire to do anything with it. I have muddled through, and struggled to think and write up to this point. Somehow I have managed to make 98’s in the classes, but it hasn’t been easy (Or maybe it has, that’s why I have such high grades with little effort).
I do not know why I haven’t been more aware of my pill taking. I have an alarm set on my cell phone, to go off at noon every day. This is to remind me to take them. It rings and annoys me, which is the point, so I hear it and turn it off. However, after I turn it off, I either forget to go get them, or something happens and takes my mind off of it. I apparently have the attention span of a gnat. Or a Doug. Squirrel!
What is wrong with me? Why haven’t I been more vigilant on taking my medications? They are my lifeline. They keep me out of the darkness. They are so important to my well-being right now, so it’s completely stupid of me to not be more on top of taking them, and more aware of how I have been feeling because I haven’t been taking them.
I have had no motivation to workout. The last week, I haven’t been eating the best. I have been down, and blah, and irritable. So why haven’t I put two and two together? I am so mad at myself.
I have papers to write, and homework to do. I have a house to clean, and a family to care for. What was I thinking not being more aware of my mood, and how I have been slacking? I see how not taking my medications affect me. I have been snappy at kiddo, no energy, no motivation. I have been struggling with my concentration, and have been extremely tired (Even more so than when I am on my pills). I get angry faster, and constantly feel on edge. Oh, and the anxiety. Gah, the anxiety. Enough is enough.
I took my pills this morning when I realized what has happened. I need to get back on it. I am always stressing the importance of taking medications if they are needed to feel like you again, and that there is nothing to be ashamed of with that. I need to listen to myself, and my own advice. I can’t dish advice if I do not take it myself, so I am going to work on being more vigilant with that. It’s not only important for my readers to know I’m taking care of myself, and using my own advice, but also for my family to know I am taking care of myself. Especially with some major deployment training on the horizon.
It feels better getting that out there. I do not feel like such a fraud now.
It’s time to shake it out, and move on. 🙂