I have never been the type to keep a journal. I had a diary growing up, but made maybe one entry in it. I just never saw the need to write out my feelings, and anything else that came to mind.
This past summer, I decided to start this blog. I was still battling PPD, even four years after kiddo was born. My symptoms became chronic, and never went away. I sought treatment once before, but was shut down with the diagnosis of “just being bitchy.” I had horrible experiences, emotions and thoughts during those four years, and they were just festering inside of me. It was time to get them out.
When I started this blog, it was meant to help other women realize that they were not alone, and that other women suffered from PPD too. I chose to be very open and honest about my PPD, and every thought and emotion that I experienced. I figured this was the best way to reach out other PPD sufferers, and connect with them. Maybe it would help someone seek treatment, or feel a little less alone.
I never thought it would be as therapeutic as it has been. I have written some very personal things that have left me feeling very vulnerable and exposed. I have written about my dark thoughts of wanting to harm my daughter and myself. I have talked at length about everything that went on, and every little feeling I had. And you know what? I feel so much better for doing it.
I have bared my soul to the world, or at least the small few that read my blog. I have opened up about things that I had never talked about before, not with anyone. When I did, I could feel the weight lifting off of my shoulders. My mind and heart didn’t feel so heavy, and I actually felt strong and free. I had begun to release the demons inside of me that had been torturing and haunting me for so long.
I used to be ashamed of my experiences, and regretted putting my family through the pain and misery that I did. Writing about it all, and releasing myself from it gave me the strength and ability to forgive myself. I was able to shake it out, and let it go. I no longer feel guilty and ashamed of it all, because with all this writing, I was able to realize it was not really me thinking and behaving like that. It was the demon on my back, and in my head.
Writing has also connected me with women who have been writing about their own PPD for some time. Robin from Farewell Stranger was the first woman whose blog I had found. Through her, I was able to find other PPD blogs, and other resources and connections through Twitter. Now, there is a small community of women that have all had similar experiences, from which I can draw on, and reflect. I can also call on support for myself, or for someone else in need of a lift or hug. It is truly a wonderful thing knowing you have so much support.
That is why writing is so important, and I recommend it to everyone. Whether you have cancer, depression, or just every day issues, write about it. Release whatever you need to through words, and let the universe see it. It is so therapeutic, and freeing. It wont cure your problems, or make them go away, but it will help alleviate whatever pain, stress, sadness, and negativity you may be feeling. It’s also good to write when you’re feeling good as well. That positivity will reach someone else who could possibly use the positive influence. You never know who you can touch.
Write. Bare your soul. It makes you more human, even through the internet. Be open and honest, and leave nothing out. You will feel better, and it could possibly help someone else. Writing about your truth is a gift that should be shared with everyone.