I’m Confused. What Is Normal Again?

I’ve been gone for a while, and I do not know how long I will be around this time.  I just feel the need to write right now.  Did you miss me?  🙂

I am almost 24 weeks along in my pregnancy with my second child.  Her name is Lauren Elise.  I’m so nervous about having another child to care for, but so excited to grow our family.  I know my oldest daughter is so excited to be a big sister, and I know little Lauren will fit in nicely.  This pregnancy has been different from my first.  I have been exhausted the entire time it seems, heartburn, and major restless legs at night.  That could be why I am exhausted.  🙂

It was kind of rough going mentally at first, with my changing hormones and chemistry.  However, the past couple of months have been great.  I feel clear-headed, happy, and dare I say it, normal.  However, tonight I am questioning what is normal.  Am I really feeling normal, or is my brain playing tricks on me?  I have spent this entire chapter of parenthood in a nasty fog and cloud that I do not know what feeling and emotions are normal.  Is getting frustrated with my child because she tore up paper all over the couch normal?  Is not wanting to play Lalaloopsy all the time with her normal?  Are those nights when you’re happy bedtime has come normal?  I have no idea!

I thought all of this was normal, but sometimes someone says something that makes me question everything.  Actually, it more like I let people’s words influence how I feel, and let them get into my brain and heart.  This is when the confusion sets in.  I have been feeling so good, I never questioned if what I was feeling was normal.  Then someone says something that makes me feel as if I am being judged for something that was unintentional, and then I start questioning everything because I let my feelings get hurt.

It’s tough going through life now having to relearn how to feel, and if those feelings are typical for a certain situation.  It’s difficult not knowing if wanting to send my child to bed early because she is driving me bat-shit crazy is normal, or if it’s my anxiety and depression talking.  I’m trying to learn, but it’s hard to relearn something when you’re overly sensitive, and let other people’s words effect you.  I should work on that.

I suppose one day I will know figure it all out.  I’m just tired of this feeling of uncertainty creeping in.  I was so sure I was doing great, and I probably am, but the uncertainty happens when I let someone get to me.  Why do I let them make me rethink everything I have learned about my issues, and all the options that come with it?  While we’re at it, what is normal for parenthood?  😛

Oh, and by the way, I hate the word normal.  It’s the only word I could think of though.  I should invest in a thesaurus. 

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8 thoughts on “I’m Confused. What Is Normal Again?

  1. So happy your pregnancy is going well, you’ve been in my thoughts. Ugh I had such terrible heartburn each pregnancy. I love the name Lauren, how sweet! Hang in there, trying to feel normal while your body expands and the hormones surge is just too much to ask! I found it much harder to stay fascinated by kid #1 when prego with kid #2. She was not the focus any more, and actually was a good thing as it taught her some independence. You’re going to love how the family dynamics change and how much more love is in the house. You may not sleep for a few more years, lol, but it’s all worth it. I think. Most of the time. 🙂

  2. #1 – SOOOOO good to see you again!

    #2 – EVERYONE should send their kids to bed early every now and then. It’s good for everyone (even if the kid may not agree).

    #3 – There is no such thing as “normal.”

    #3.5 – Be you, be beautiful, and trust in yourself!

  3. It’s perfectly normal and acceptable to send your kids to bed early. When mine are playing up they get a couple off warnings, and if they ignore them then they go to bed. It doesn’t matter what the time is. This happens rarely because they don’t like going to bed early, so most of the time they behave.

  4. I was so excited to see you pop up in my reader. Welcome back! Glad that the pregnancy is going well in spite of the exhaustion, heartburn and restless legs. I love the name. Being happy for bedtime is completely normal. I love my girls dearly, but some nights bedtime cannot come soon enough. I too struggle with being overly sensitive and letting one person’s comments affect me deeply. I am still working on that. It’s difficult to adjust to the “new normal” after PPD. I feel like I am always reassessing my reactions.

  5. Great post! It is great to hear that other women struggle with trying to figure out what is “normal” for them and try to avoid doing what other people say is “normal”. I will definitely be subscribing to your blog.

  6. Hi Nicole, I just read your ‘rainy day letter’ that was posted on ppdtojoy.com … you wrote it to yourself to remind yourself what ‘normal’ is. go read it! xoxo

  7. I always have trouble not letting people’s words affect me. It’s definitely hard. I really like your blog and am just looking at it now. You should check mine out too and follow.

  8. I think that’s a really good quote! 🙂

    It had been a while so I thought I’d drop in and see how you were. You’re looking great in your user picture! Hope things are going well for you!

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